Day 90

Tsk tsk tsk.

I have been absolutely ravenous for the past couple of days! I don't know exactly what it is. I'll eat my normal sized portions, be ok for a little while, but shortly after feel STARVING! My 24 little daily points have not been stretching like I know they can. I have not drastically changed what I've been eating, I have not increased my workouts...the only thing I can think of is that I'm due to get my period in 2 days.

Are these pre-menstrual cravings and hunger pangs all a myth or is there actually scientific evidence that we burn more calories or something? I don't experience this insatiable hunger every month but yesterday I just caved in!

I had a stupid day. It was a day that I was sort of looking forward to that ended up not so fun, I was worn down from battling my hunger from the day before, I was just HUNGRY. I came home sort of down in the dumps and I just didn't want to feel hungry anymore so I ate until it was gone.

I'm a little pissed at myself but not really. I didn't binge on unhealthy foods, I was craving protein and substance. The part I'm a little pissed about is that I think some of it was emotional eating and that I could have had less.

But now's the important part: the morning after. Time to pick myself up and carry on as usual, leaving this dark night behind.

Day 89

I blame my PMS.

Day 85: Week in Review

I'm back in the game, people!

I got back to the basics and managed to get through this week unscathed. It is quite a relief too, I started to think that I had lost my mind!
-I had zero soda this week!
-I had 2 decaf soy lattes this week.
-I ate out twice this week but held tight to self-control. (I can't seem to not eat out! People pop in from out of town, old friends want to get together...)
-I cooked a big (4-serving) healthy recipe on Tuesday and ate it all week. That way, when I was famished and tired all I had to do was microwave. There doesn't need to be any creativity or brainstorming involved. It was just easy. Good plan.

My back is not fully recovered but it is doing a lot better. It really is a giant, constant physical and emotional weight. The physical therapy is helping slowly but surely and next week I'm determined to get back to the gym even if it's just for some bike and elliptical action.

I'm ready to finish this out with a bang. Sprint to the end thru March 26 (officially Day 116, unofficially Day 100?).

Day 78: Week in Review

I've been on a 4 day bender. I dreaded mentioning anything but I promised to be honest and so here it is, the dirty fat ugly truth.

I think I know what the problem is. I think that I have become too lenient in my mission. I had a great first 30-60 days! But then I got cocky and started making little allowances and as more and more previously banned foods crept back into my diet, my progress has slowed to a dead stop. I want to add a note here about my state of mind because I really truly think it plays a role in my success (and failure). Right now, my back problems are relentless. It is pain, and it is lack of control, and it is fear that I will never get back to normal, and it is a test of my patience. Working out is not everything but it is a hearty part of the weight loss equation. Having to put that on the back burner intellectually makes all the sense in the world but physically it slows progress. It shouldn't, in theory, stop it all together. However, this change and this retarded progress has seriously weakened my foundation. Maybe it's a condition of my personality, but when one thing falls to wayside it all of a sudden becomes way too easy for everything else to follow suit.

This long weekend, all of this cultivated itself into a rebellious free for all. Was it a relief to not feel hungry anymore? Yes. Was it fun to eat out and choose what I really wanted from the menu? Yes. Did I overeat? Yes. Did I physically feel good? No. Did I emotionally feel good? No. Huh, not really worth it...This type of behavior is not atypical for me. It falls into an unhealthy yet familiar cycle, a cycle I've been hoping to break. From experience, I know that the next step in the cycle is to militantly snap back into action. Sometimes it takes something like this to scare me straight.

So here I am facing a new week fresh and ready to go. I'm serious about charging through the next 3 weeks as staunchly as I approached the very first 3 of the challenge. I'm back to basics. Period.

Day 74

In addition to my mission to lose some bulges, I'd also like to save money as best as I possibly can. And, TA-DAH, here is where both of those aspirations collide!

Eating out is stressful for my diet. Eating out is also stressful for my wallet. Don't eat out! Not forever, but for now. I want to see if this is the super secret answer to both of my woes.

I've week to week toyed with the idea of being anti-social. That is not at all necessary if there is no eating involved in my social gatherings, or if I socially invite people over to my place to eat.

I'm doin' it.

Day 70: Week in Review

This was not the worst week, but alas, this was also not a perfect week.

I had one day where I lost my self-control, that was Super Bowl Sunday. I made chili, I had a contingency plan, I was ready...but there was so much good food and everyone else around me was eating and drinking and having fun while I was sitting there empty handed after my measly serving and I just lost it.

It's really hard not to beat myself up about it but I know I can't harp on it because I was good every other day of this week. and today I recovered, I bounced back, I jumped back on the wagon, etc.

But, really, I need to get my act together. Together together. I can make some real hard core progress if I stop f-ing around. I've decided that I want to weigh myself, but I only want to weigh myself after I've been really really really good for a minimum of 3 weeks. So here's the plan: I have a doctor's appointment on March 9 where, inevitably, I will be weighed. That means I want to be perfectly perfect starting next Tuesday.

Now don't get me wrong, I would love to be perfectly perfect this week too! I just know what I have ahead of me: a birthday dinner at a shmancy restaurant with my family. I may have to settle for a perfect week with one day off, much like this week. With exercise, of course.

Day 67

I'm hungry all the time. The only time I'm safe is when I'm so distracted that I forget that I'm hungry. Even though I still am.

I've increased my workouts (I mean, increasing from virtually nothing is always a big deal) but I'm only burning maybe 250 extra calories a day. Should I be this hungry? Thus far I've been able to partially control myself, I haven't gone overboard, but I wanted to bank a lot of my flexible points for this Super Bowl party coming up and in actuality I don't have that many to spare!

What to do? What to do? I guess I really have to practice restraint on Sunday and try to get used to this? Maybe it will go away?

Day 64: Week in Review

So, last week. Don't really want to talk about it anymore. It's done, it was fun, I'm ready to buckle down. I feel fat.

This week I have a Superbowl Party coming up, but I am fairly confident I will get through it smoothly. My trick? I'm cooking! Last year I made a vegetarian chili and a low-fat many beans chili and they were both huge hits! Nobody even realized they weren't fatty! So, I'm cooking again and while I will not be able to whip out my handy measuring cups, I can estimate without getting into scary territory. Amen. Other than that, I should probably vow to be anti-social. I'm ok with that.

My back is feeling a little better and I'm kicking a new workout routine into high gear. I'm aiming to be back at the gym 4-5 times per week to bike and ellipticize. When I was running, I could easily burn 400-500 calories a day. I wonder how long it will take to do that on my new regimen. We'll see. It'll be a struggle to not push my body too hard for my back's sake while wanting to push my body enough to burn calories again.