Day 29: Week in Review

This is the first week since I've begun that I've had a day where I have no idea how much I ate. It involved Boxing Day brunch and a brewery outing with friends and I completely lost track of what I ate. On the bright side I was full, like really full, but I did not stuff myself silly. I also got right back to business the very next day and we're still truckin'.

I've been thinking and I'm pretty sure that I'll take the same approach for New Year's Eve. I'll be good all day, not stress over dinner/drinks/dessert, and then get right back to the nitty gritty on January 1st. Once all of this holiday hub-bub is over I'd love to be a crazy OCD freak about being perfectly perfect, at least for a week or two.

Day 26

I've been told by 3 very harsh critics how good I look! I even got one, "this is the skinniest I've ever seen you"! That's all lovely but I'm not skinny enough and I've still got 74 long days to go.

Day 25

Last night was the kind of night when I just wanted to eat and not stop. It was after dinner and I was craving sweets and on top of that I was quite in the mood to eat my feelings away. It was the kind of night where ordinarily I think I would have let myself do it, and then inevitably woken up hating myself in the morning. I didn't do it.

I'm home for the holidays and watching what I eat is a much bigger challenge under these circumstances! They are the type of circumstances where I would normally just temporarily give up for two weeks and inflict maybe 5 pounds worth of damage along with some self-loathing. What I'm realizing (and hoping is a sign of maturity and not surrender) is that I can still be good without being perfect. Of course the goal of all of this is to try to be perfect, in other words super strict, super stressed, super restrictive, super no fun. And the opposite of that would be the other extreme of binge eating, ordering everything on the menu, and not caring in the least. Instead of being one extreme or even worse, the other, I can just be good. And even when that's not perfect it's a hell of a lot better than being bad.

I can obsess about being perfect again after the holidays in my own apartment with all the control in the world. For now, I'm focusing on being good.

Day 22

I hope this doesn't destroy anyone but I just don't feel like doing a week in review today. This was a strange week filled with all kinds of feelings and stuff. I am not off the wagon. That, I would feel obliged to share. Eating is still fine however I've sensed myself getting a little more lenient...I messed with my back which messed with my workouts so I'm trying to just chill. I've been doing my physical therapy stretches and it really helps.

Also, speaking of my crazy back problems: I was playing around in DSW yesterday and I tried on those Skechers Shape-Ups just because they look hideous and seem hilarious. It was like instant relief on my back. I couldn't believe it! Whatever it does to adjust posture and engage different muscles certifiably works! I bought those expensive suckers, and while I'm NOT expecting to never need to walk into the gym again, I will be wearing them to work. Amen, hallelujah!

The holidays are extremely close and I am trying to anticipate the inevitable challenges that will need to be faced. The biggest of these challenges, I fear, will be on New Years Eve. Right now I'm toying with the idea of giving myself a break just for that night...but I don't want to, the whole point is to plow through 100 days! On the weight watchers plan, weekly you get 35 flexible points to use whenever you want. If I'm really good for that week and don't use any of these flexible points I can technically save all 35 for New Years Eve and still be on the plan. I think that's the strategy I'd like to have, but saving all 35 will not be easy! Sigh.

Day 19

I'm a moron! My air conditioner was still in my window letting lots of cold air in constantly. I finally decided yesterday that I couldn't deal with it and had to take the damn thing out. I cannot tell you how hard I tried to lift with my knees, I even repeated it out loud to myself over and over and over...that thing was friggin heavy! So I woke up this morning and my back is not happy. It's not awful but it's really not good. So, unless I have a miraculous night of healing sleep I've sort of screwed up my work out regimen for the next few days. I knew it was risky but it was too cold!!! Bah.

My eating has been fine, but somehow 100 calorie packs are slowly creeping back into my daily routine. After being so strict, my sweet tooth is jonesing. As long as quantity is controlled I don't think it's too bad a habit. And my pants are fitting a little more comfortably so somethings working!

Day 15: Week in Review

So, bad news, this week I only got to workout 3 times :( Good news, I still did good eating.

This week I found out how difficult it really is to eat out while watching your weight. I'm really better off just not doing it. But I also found out that it is possible to eat out without completely falling off the wagon.

This week I also learned how easy it is to not eat at all when you're going through a great deal of emotional turmoil. Sigh. I will not be getting into that right now...

Day 11

Aaack! In the last few days I have had to eat out too too much!

I think I'm pretty good at making healthy decisions but yesterday I got duped TWICE! For lunch I ordered a blackened chilean sea bass sandwich that came with tomato, sprouts, onions, coleslaw, and a side of sweet potato fries. To avoid temptation I asked my waiter not to bring any fries and instead he gave me a side of steamed broccoli. Amazing. However, when the sandwich came to the table I bit down and there was a hearty glob of mayo on top! Nowhere in the description did it say that the sandwich came with mayo! Yick. Then, at dinner I ordered a grilled vegetable salad with grilled shrimp and dressing on the side. Sounds pretty healthy but let me tell you, that salad did not even need dressing because the grilled vegetables had enough olive oil on them to grease up the whole bowl. Geez.

It is sooooo much harder to eat well when you eat out! These past few days were extenuating circumstances, I had friends in from out of town, but I need to get it together. Don't get me wrong, I still counted calories and adjusted in the unexpected influx. And I didn't splurge or binge or doing anything too insane. I'm putting myself on house arrest for the next few days, at least as far as eating goes.

Day 9

I'm feeling good! I don't know if I've lost anything but I am starting to feel a lot a lot better.

Day 7: Week in Review

I think I've been doing pretty well so far.

Since Day 1 I have worked out 6 of the 7 days! Granted, my workouts have not been quite what I want them to be, but they're certainly better than nothing. And, in all honesty, I have been making them harder daily and I have faith that I'll make it back to where I was eventually. Patience, I know, ick!

Food-wise, I have been decent. If I were a perfect person I wouldn't have:
-had 2 decaf soy lattes with splendas this week. (I really wanted to keep consumption down to 1 per week.)
-eaten a 100 calorie pack of hostess strawberry cupcakes. (Especially in the first week or two I kinda wanted to detox all the sweet-tooth cravings and resist chemically artificial diety crap in those things.)
-slurped down take-out chicken soup. (First of all, I estimated the quantity but did not measure it. Second, I have no idea what the nutrition facts on that stuff was! It was chicken soup and not chocolate brownies, but still, I think I need to overly control caloric intake.)

Yesterday I ate out for the first time in my 100 days. It wasn't easy and I probably picked at non-regulation foods a little more that I ideally should have. Nonetheless, I tried to overestimate calories and logged them. Tonight I'm friggin invited to wing night! There's no stinkin' way I can eat wings tonight! I also don't want to drink beer! I also don't want to drink diet soda! My plan is to eat dinner before I go and drink water or maybe even club soda while I'm there. Oooh la la. So fancy!

My freezer is getting a little bare, so I put a batch of veggie chili in the crock pot this morning and I've got a batch of low-fat many beans chili ready to go as soon as them veggies is out!

Off to the gym, fatties!

Day 4

I found it. I found my hunger. Found it. Hooray...

So far, I'm still truckin' along. A hard part of this really is: what's for dinner? Take-out is banned and I don't have any pre-packaged prepared foods anymore so I have to keep buying meat! And figuring out what to do with this meat. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my meals for the next 96 days are going to be pretty boring. Maybe it's a matter of finding a weekly rotation of meals that don't make me bonkers and do them over and over and over again. Ugh, whenever it's time to eat I need to exert so much effort! Bah.

My self esteem is not doing so hot. I still feel like the lard queen. I know it's just a matter of a week or 2 before I feel a little difference and then hopefully I'll gain momentum and 85 days will fly by like a wonderful dream vacation!

PS These caffeine headaches are vicious! I've been fine through the morning but by 6pm I start popping the advil religiously every 4 hours. Curses.

Day 1

Good Attitude? Check.
Workout complete with crazy physical therapy type stretches? Check.
Patience for cooking? Check.
Remaining ice cream from freezer in the garbage? Check.
Garbage taken out? Check.

Honestly, today was not that hard. Maybe I've eaten so much in the past week that I don't get hungry anymore...aww, sad. Find my hunger? Check?

The biggest struggle I had today is completely bizarre. Ok, so this has totally happened before but not with regularity and it has to do with going to the gym. I'll be on the treadmill warming up normally and that's fine. It's when I up the pace, light jog, and start to break a sweat. I get itchy all over! It's ridiculous (and embarrassing). My stomach was itchy (I practically took off my shirt-not a pretty sight yet), my ass was itchy, my legs were itchy. It's totally annoying, not to mention distracting. What the hell? Again, this is not a consistent problem so I guess I just hope for a better day tomorrow.

I need to go grocery shopping! A very smart lady tipped me off to the wonders of quinoa, so that's at the very top of my list. I also need a steamer. Ugh, (most) vegetables are still gross.

So far so good. 99 to go!

One last hoorah!

Thanksgiving is in 2 days. I certainly hope nobody expected me to start these 100 days before then. December 1st, I think. That's a nice start date, it'll give me a jump start on all those fat bastards making their New Year's resolutions.

The rules.

"Ok, Ninny, eating healthy is pretty vague. What exactly do you plan to do?"

From experience I've learned that the Weight Watchers model is one that works well for me (when I stick to it, duh). The structure, the meticulous weighing and measuring, the logging...I need it. SO, I'm going to follow the point system. Now, one thing that Weight Watchers boasts is that you can eat whatever you want as long as it's in moderation. I'm not sticking to that. I will not opt to eat a Big Mac at 9:00 am and fast for the rest of the day.

I will:

• Concentrate on lean, high protein foods. The trainer suggested myoplex lite bars and shakes. I'll give it a whirl.
• Eliminate caffeine and artificial sweeteners. Trainer says I can have one cheat day per week. That doesn't mean eat a whole chocolate cake, it means have a diet coke.
• Plan ahead! ALWAYS! I think this step might involve telling people what I'm up to. This is not something that I have done in the past, I kind of like to keep weight loss to myself because it's kind of embarrassing. By putting it out there in the open I can probably gain friends' support and quit holding tight like it's a dirty little secret.
• Cook in favor of eating out/taking out.
• Cut back significantly on carbs, especially white foods. white bread, white rice, pasta...
• Eat more vegetables. I don't love vegetables, I much prefer fruit. I think skinny people actually like vegetables...
• Drink water! And maybe even learn to like herbal tea. Unsweetened. Ick.

Exercise.

I'm ok with exercise, I really am. I've had gym memberships for years and my mother has always always always encouraged physical fitness. Until about 2 years ago I had sworn off running. It was of no interest to me. I could power walk, I could elliptical, I could aerobicize. Then, a trainer at the gym told me that if I really wanted to drop weight I needed to run. I wasn't happy about it, but with encouragement and baby steps I could run for an hour.

Problem: I have a bad back. I've had back surgery and need to constantly be attentive to the weakness. I've had some pretty awful relapses involving physical therapy and such, and luckily I'm fine. However, I had to stop running for extended periods of time to not acerbate the problem. These rest periods have totally derailed any momentum and I've had to take steps backward to regain my stamina.

I like to exercise, I don't love to exercise. (I don't believe ANYONE that says they love to exercise.) I love the results from exercise...and taking into account my new-ish (not so great) all or nothing attitude, it is an essential key to being "good".

The last time I exercised was probably 2 weeks ago. I'm in a bad period. My back was bothering me pretty profoundly and I got a monster cold that wiped me out for a solid week. The primary goal is to eat healthfully. I also want my stamina back! I hate that I once was able to physically do something that I can't do anymore. With these 2 goals working in tandem, I can undoubtedly achieve my weight loss goals also associated with this personal challenge.

The mission is what it is, and it is what it is because I want all the lovely side effects that come along with it.

My mission is conceived.

I am undeniably a yo-yo dieter and I have been for years. Through the ups and downs I think I've developed some very unhealthy habits. I'm strict at sticking to a diet if I have a great deal of control. I exercise, I feel great, I watch the numbers on the scale decrease...however, if I do not have control I SPLURGE! I am an extremist! I'm either super duper good or the lardiest fat pig imaginable. I've completely forgotten how to just be normal!

Besides the physical toll this takes, my mental state is fragile too. When I'm good, I feel happy, attractive and optimistic. When I'm bad I feel like a disgusting, ugly, obese, failure of a human. (I do have a little fun though.) I think the key is probably to control as much as I can as often as I can, and when I can't control everything don't go overboard. SELF control things instead of giving up and surrendering.

I am not that fat. I'm currently a size 12. In my adult life I can remember being as small as a size 10 and as big as a size 14. I realize that it's not that huge of a range, but I would have hoped that by this point in my life I could have hit a lower bottom and maybe as a result hit a lower high, like size 6-size 10.

I don't want to weigh myself right now...if I had to guess I would think I'm maybe 163 or so. I want to get to 135. I REALLY want to get to 135 and I'm quite certain that it's totally realistic. 100 days, that's about 14 weeks or 3.5 months...that's long enough to do some serious damage on this cellulite and short enough to not be too overwhelming.

I want to permanently adopt good eating habits, binging is pretty gross. I want to stick with it and stick with it long enough for it to stick. THIS BLOG is going to hold me accountable. I will think of you when I feel like cheating. I will not lie to you. I will commit to fighting this battle for 100 days.