Day 78: Week in Review

I've been on a 4 day bender. I dreaded mentioning anything but I promised to be honest and so here it is, the dirty fat ugly truth.

I think I know what the problem is. I think that I have become too lenient in my mission. I had a great first 30-60 days! But then I got cocky and started making little allowances and as more and more previously banned foods crept back into my diet, my progress has slowed to a dead stop. I want to add a note here about my state of mind because I really truly think it plays a role in my success (and failure). Right now, my back problems are relentless. It is pain, and it is lack of control, and it is fear that I will never get back to normal, and it is a test of my patience. Working out is not everything but it is a hearty part of the weight loss equation. Having to put that on the back burner intellectually makes all the sense in the world but physically it slows progress. It shouldn't, in theory, stop it all together. However, this change and this retarded progress has seriously weakened my foundation. Maybe it's a condition of my personality, but when one thing falls to wayside it all of a sudden becomes way too easy for everything else to follow suit.

This long weekend, all of this cultivated itself into a rebellious free for all. Was it a relief to not feel hungry anymore? Yes. Was it fun to eat out and choose what I really wanted from the menu? Yes. Did I overeat? Yes. Did I physically feel good? No. Did I emotionally feel good? No. Huh, not really worth it...This type of behavior is not atypical for me. It falls into an unhealthy yet familiar cycle, a cycle I've been hoping to break. From experience, I know that the next step in the cycle is to militantly snap back into action. Sometimes it takes something like this to scare me straight.

So here I am facing a new week fresh and ready to go. I'm serious about charging through the next 3 weeks as staunchly as I approached the very first 3 of the challenge. I'm back to basics. Period.