Last night was the kind of night when I just wanted to eat and not stop. It was after dinner and I was craving sweets and on top of that I was quite in the mood to eat my feelings away. It was the kind of night where ordinarily I think I would have let myself do it, and then inevitably woken up hating myself in the morning. I didn't do it.
I'm home for the holidays and watching what I eat is a much bigger challenge under these circumstances! They are the type of circumstances where I would normally just temporarily give up for two weeks and inflict maybe 5 pounds worth of damage along with some self-loathing. What I'm realizing (and hoping is a sign of maturity and not surrender) is that I can still be good without being perfect. Of course the goal of all of this is to try to be perfect, in other words super strict, super stressed, super restrictive, super no fun. And the opposite of that would be the other extreme of binge eating, ordering everything on the menu, and not caring in the least. Instead of being one extreme or even worse, the other, I can just be good. And even when that's not perfect it's a hell of a lot better than being bad.
I can obsess about being perfect again after the holidays in my own apartment with all the control in the world. For now, I'm focusing on being good.
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