Tick...Tock...

As I'm sitting here drinking my last cup of caffeinated coffee in a long long while, I'm rip roarin' ready to get started. These last 10 days of waiting have seemed so unendingly long...Although I'm really trying to focus on being nice to myself, I feel awful! Disgusting! Droopy! Ugly! I crave being back on a healthy program.

This time has to be different. The changes that I make have to become more permanent. In the past I've had no problem making essential changes in the short-term, but I have to program these changes to stick. I have to break this predictable cycle.

I've already started out differently. I told my friends that I was doing this, not just on this blog but in person to their faces. The people around me know I'm making a change and I know that they will support me in whatever ways they can. In the past I've tried to keep it a secret out of embarrassment and bullshit.

I'm chomping at the bit to get started and I kind of wish I could fast forward to the end of December where I know I will be a happier, on-the-right-track, healthier human being!

And another thing...

I want to be NICE to myself! I already covered the physical junk, I'm talking about the mental torture. More specifically, this involves not beating myself up for being where I am. I can only be really really successful with positive reinforcement, negative might cause me to jump out a 40-story window.

So no name-calling! No lengthy mirror critiques! No pinching of fat rolls!

Now, I'm finished. I think. For the time being.

My birthday gift.

My birthday gift to myself this year is a commitment to finally get rid of this pesky extra 15-25 pounds, so that in 6 months I'm happily shopping for bathing suits for the first time EVER. I will give my body the gift of tender love and care. Of betterment.

After my summer back surgery, following months of pain and discomfort, I was so excited to take wonderful care of my new healthy body. Without getting too crunchy-granola, I want to respect and honor my body by taking the very best possible care of it. It would appreciate me lightening the load. It would appreciate strength. It would appreciate vitamins and nutrition. It would appreciate ample sleep. It would appreciate pride and being shown off!

I know this won't be easy but it doesn't have to be that hard. It's a challenge; a matter of discipline and focus on the investment for the future rather than instant gratification.

So, my birthday gift to myself will be coming late this year. But it won't be coming at all unless I commit now and follow through.

Crazy November!

I will begin my 100 days on November 29, the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. Having this date set in my mind is very reassuring and I'm absolutely looking forward to getting started.

However, in the meantime I feel like a major fatass! I wish I could wear elastic pants and XXXL t-shirts all day everyday. With all the craziness that seems to be happening in Novemeber: Halloween spill-over, vacations, birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving-related social events, and the emergence of both pumpkin and gingerbread flavored yummies...(sigh). I can't let myself gain an extra 15 pounds before I even start my challenge!

WHAT DO I DO? Be really good on the scattered few days that I can and just screw it on the days that I can't? I guess I should try not to overdo it on any given day but it's so freakin' hard. I'll say it: I'm a binger! And a food-hoarder! When I'm "being good", I do good. But when I'm not "being good", I'm "being bad" and take the opportunity to jump off the deep end! I stuff my face! Not healthy. And it physically and mentally makes me feel awful.

I think my goal is to have fun for these next 2-ish weeks! Having fun includes not stressing about avoiding certain foods, but having fun is also not making oneself sick.

One year later.

It has been almost one full year since I first attempted this silly 100 days madness. I had hoped to have tackled a few more bad habits by now but, alas, it has not been a smooth 6 months. My slight back/leg pain in January culminated into an excruciating June jam-packed with surgery, drugs, physical therapy, and limited exercise and activity.

Going back and reviewing this blog, it all seems pretty uninteresting. I'm not sure if there is anything in here worth reading, but in retrospect, I think it was a helpful tool for me. The accountability and frequent check-ins kept me on track, especially at the beginning.

So I'm going at this same healthy living/weight loss goal one more time! I apologize for the monotony and the pending boredom; you are officially excused from reading. But I'm going to start writing here again for me. I hope to carry the wonderful momentum I felt in my first 30 days last December into this year plus the following January and February.

Reflection. Reorganization. Review.

Let me tell you a short story: I have a friend who less than 3 months ago was a size 12. She started losing weight as part of a competition at work and has since lost 30lbs and is now a size 6/8!!! I am super happy for her and I am also frickin' jealous! I don't know exactly what she's been doing or if this was done in a 100% healthful manner but I need to step up my game! If she can do it, I can do it and summer is peaking around the corner.

My 5 day detox gave me back my focus and my drive. I can do this. I can say "no" to things. I can, in fact, feel much better about myself in just 5 days. I'm entering a new block of about 39 days. It is the 39 days before I go to Florida with 2 friends, one of which is mentioned in the above short story. It is going to be hot and we are going to be in skimpy clothes and bathing suits and I am determined to feel good about myself, and not like a lard ass.

Here's my new mission: I want to eat like I friggin' ate on this detox for the majority of those 39 days. That means minimally and basically while still counting my weight watchers points and banking those weekly flexible ones. (In my 5 days I used 4 of 20!) I'm already aware of 3 days where that will not be possible. On those days, hopefully only once a week and no more than twice a week, I will eat thoughtfully and not exceed those banked flexible points. So, really, I'm staying with the structure of the points system I've been using all along but with loads of new rules piled on. To improve on my 5 day detox I have to eat more vegetables. I ate a load of fruit but did not do great with veggies. My trainer is not a fan of all the sugar I'm getting from the fruit and the subsequent sugar highs and lows, etc. so I'll have to get creative. If I can do this I bet I can shed a bunch before Florida. I think 9 lbs, bringing me down to real 145 is totally do-able.

Day 31

I did it! I stuck to my super strict detox for 5 days! It was not easy and I was hungry a lot therefore cranky a lot...and definitely eating less makes me severely feel energy dips and the direct effects of what I'm eating and when. I was tired, I had headaches...it was all sorts of fun.

Soooo. I weighed myself this morning. 148. Not so bad. That means I only gained 3 pounds over this rocky period when I intentionally took a break and then unintentionally could not find my footing again. I bet this detox helped. I wonder how much I weighed before I did this...

Here's another thing. My scale said I weighed 148. My mother's scale said I weighed 154. I have the sneaking suspicion that my mom's is right :( That's ok, I guess, it just means way back when I though I had hit a new low of 145, I actually had not. I really probably hit 151. That's still well and good but not nearly as exciting. But now I know and knowing is half the battle.