Day 21

I ate a MASSIVE amount of fruit today! I'm having a hard time believing that I can still lose weight eating this much fruit.

So in preparation for my evening dinner party, I ate mostly fruit and veggies all day. Right before the party I had a bowl of oatmeal to curb my appetite. I lucked out a little bit at this party A) because there was fruit everywhere! With appetizers, with desserts, it was all over the place! and B) it was buffet style, not a sit down dinner. There was not an enormous amount of healthy options to choose from, but I decided to try and fill up on protein: Hawaiian teriyaki chicken. I'm fully aware that teriyaki sauce has a bunch of sugar, but I thought it a better option than carbo loading on baked ziti and tomato tartlettes. I did let myself taste a little tiny bit of everything though, including two bites of mayonnaise-y based salad hoeur douvres and a tad of brie. I only had one glass of champagne, choosing to eat my calories for the evening. When dessert came along I wanted to jump in the punch bowl of egg nog and go for a swim but I stayed far far away. Instead I attacked the fruit and had 1/2 a mini cupcake, a bite of a chocolate covered gingerbread man, and 1/3 of a homemade whoopie pie.

I don't think I overindulged too badly but I was so stuffed. I think it was because I stuffed my gourd with fruit whenever I saw a platter of goodies that I wanted to hork down! I didn't do as much damage as I could have but it was SO HARD!

I feel that this is an appropriate time to express my insecurities about this new Weight Watchers plan. I've been eating a ton of fruit not just tonight but all the time. I'm fairly certain I haven't gotten myself fat off of fruit, but still...Basically, i don't know if this is working! Now, I do think my pants fit a little bit better and I've only been doing this for 3 weeks now but still...I wish I could see a difference. Granted, I haven't weighed myself. It started as protection from self sabotage: being pissed at the number on the scale and flying off the handle. If I were weighing myself I could quantitatively tell but, alas, I'm too fragile. I figure I'll weigh myself in January at some point. And hopefully it's a point when my size 12's are way too big and the number I see will not be horrifying. I want this to work and I'm so scared it's not. I'm still so hard on myself when I see myself in pictures or stare at my thighs at the gym. I need this to work.