Day 32

OK, people. There's a new plan.

I weighed myself this morning and I was not super happy. I wasn't sad like I thought I could be, but I was not happy. I can only imagine what I would have seen 32 days ago. Eeeep.

After a few long and involved conversations with my trainer we have made a deal that I will lose 5 lbs. every month for January, February, and March. That's serious business. It's doable, but it's serious.

I bought new running shoes today and I am going to get back into running shape starting Monday. I need to fit aerobic workouts into my schedule at least 5 times a week.

Maybe I need to eat less fruit? I know this new Weight Watchers is working, I just don't know how fast. My clothes fit better and I can see my face thinning out. I could probably keep on doing what I'm doing and see if the extra aerobic pushes me over the edge. I wonder if I could go all of January without eating any meals out...

I'm taking this weight off and I'm taking it off for good. I want this bad and I want this for real.

Day 28: Week in Review

I am so curious to know if I'm losing weight. I'm tempted to jump on the scale but I don't think I'm ready yet!

This week I had 4 packets of splenda (2 decaf soy lattes).

This week I had 1 half-caf cup of coffee.

This week I only used 1 of my activity points.

This week I discovered Nestle After Eight thin mints for 1 point and packaged rice krispie treats are only 2 points.

This week I SURVIVED CHRISTMAS!

This week had it's challenges but all in all it was pretty smooth sailing. Next week, however, is a different story. I'm thinking of taking New Year's Eve off. Not the whole day, just dinner, dessert, and drinks. I'm going to continue the rest of the week, before and after, like normal. Maybe I can attempt to save up flexes and activity points even though I don't plan on remotely trying to count on Friday night. I'm not gonna go on a free for all though. The goal is to eat and enjoy but not to overeat and make myself sick. Indulge don't overindulge. This historically has been a problem for me, I've definitely been one to go off the deep end. Resist. Don't throw this 4 weeks of hard work down the drain!

4 weeks!?!?! Damn! I've been doing this for 4 whole weeks? It hasn't felt that long! Geez.

Day 26

This morning I woke up and I felt good. Good like I think this might be working good.

Day 22: Week in Review

For whatever reason I did not do a week in review last week. I think I was too flustered, frazzled, and flabbergasted.

A few confessions:

• This week I had a caffeine free diet pepsi! Splurge! And the week before I had some splenda in my (decaffeinated tea). I have been using sugar and honey for the majority of my sweetening purposes and have been a-ok doing so.

• I have not been working out as much as I would like to. I know, for me especially, a lot of this weight loss is gonna be about the food but I really would like to exercise more. It's been really super hard to fit the kind of time into my schedule that I would like and I want to get back into running shape.

• The same thing happened at the end of this week as last week. I get down to the end of my week with big meals out planned (I'd like to avoid these altogether, but 'tis the holiday season...). Now, with the Weight Watchers plan you can earn exercise points back which I haven't been tracking because I'd really like not to use them. So, I work really hard to make good choices at the end of my week, I try to track my points to the best of my knowledge, and end up going over. With a few tweaks and back-logging all the activity points I can remember, I sorta make it at the end of the week. This is not how I would like to operate: using every possible smidgen of a point that I can conjure up. I know it's better than not trying at all...it's just so so so much easier to eat at home!

I think the key, especially until the holidays are all over, is to keep on truckin. Perfection is not always an option but pretty damn good is almost as nice. I want to EAT IN! I want to not use all my flex points!

I had some success this week too! I survived a holiday dinner out by summoning up every ounce of my will power and ordering just a shrimp cocktail and cup of chicken soup. And that was it. But now I shall move forward full steam ahead leaving this week behind and ambitious for the next! Mush!

Day 21

I ate a MASSIVE amount of fruit today! I'm having a hard time believing that I can still lose weight eating this much fruit.

So in preparation for my evening dinner party, I ate mostly fruit and veggies all day. Right before the party I had a bowl of oatmeal to curb my appetite. I lucked out a little bit at this party A) because there was fruit everywhere! With appetizers, with desserts, it was all over the place! and B) it was buffet style, not a sit down dinner. There was not an enormous amount of healthy options to choose from, but I decided to try and fill up on protein: Hawaiian teriyaki chicken. I'm fully aware that teriyaki sauce has a bunch of sugar, but I thought it a better option than carbo loading on baked ziti and tomato tartlettes. I did let myself taste a little tiny bit of everything though, including two bites of mayonnaise-y based salad hoeur douvres and a tad of brie. I only had one glass of champagne, choosing to eat my calories for the evening. When dessert came along I wanted to jump in the punch bowl of egg nog and go for a swim but I stayed far far away. Instead I attacked the fruit and had 1/2 a mini cupcake, a bite of a chocolate covered gingerbread man, and 1/3 of a homemade whoopie pie.

I don't think I overindulged too badly but I was so stuffed. I think it was because I stuffed my gourd with fruit whenever I saw a platter of goodies that I wanted to hork down! I didn't do as much damage as I could have but it was SO HARD!

I feel that this is an appropriate time to express my insecurities about this new Weight Watchers plan. I've been eating a ton of fruit not just tonight but all the time. I'm fairly certain I haven't gotten myself fat off of fruit, but still...Basically, i don't know if this is working! Now, I do think my pants fit a little bit better and I've only been doing this for 3 weeks now but still...I wish I could see a difference. Granted, I haven't weighed myself. It started as protection from self sabotage: being pissed at the number on the scale and flying off the handle. If I were weighing myself I could quantitatively tell but, alas, I'm too fragile. I figure I'll weigh myself in January at some point. And hopefully it's a point when my size 12's are way too big and the number I see will not be horrifying. I want this to work and I'm so scared it's not. I'm still so hard on myself when I see myself in pictures or stare at my thighs at the gym. I need this to work.

Day 20

Oh my oh my! I'm in a bit of a pinch. Knowing all week that I had a Christmas dinner party coming up tomorrow night, I tried to save up as many of my flex points as possible for the occasion. Unfortunately, yesterday I had a crazy attack of the sweet tooth. I knocked my supply down from 31 to 11.

All is not lost. I'm just going to have to exercise a lot more self control than I had hoped. Today should not be a problem. I'm just trying to scheme for tomorrow the most effective way to use the least possible points during the day without being a ravenous beastwoman by party time. I'm sure it's humanly possible to sustain oneself on fruits and vegetables for 10 hours but I will have to stay strong.

I'm stressed!

Day 16

It is not my imagination: my pants fit just a little bit better. Praise the lord.

Day 14

Ok, friends. I need to start learning to like vegetables. I'm a-ok when it comes to fruit, aside from wicked bad gas...For these first 14 days I haven't been super worried about it because I haven't been crazy starving and I've been taking my daily multi-vitamin as a supplement.

I know veggies are probably a better choice than fruit because they have less sugars and starch and yumminess and whatnot. I just don't find many to be particularly enjoyable. I also don't like many of them raw so they become a whole lot more work. I like peas-a starchy green. I like non-soggy asparagus. I like skinny french green beans sauteed with garlic and a little olive oil. I eat salads but get bored quickly. I need sauces or dressings or dips or something to make the flavor more appealing. I'm fully aware that these things often add calories and fat. The decision then becomes about how many of my points I'm willing to sacrifice on vegetables. I'm also fairly decent at eating veggies when they are slightly hidden, like spinach in an omelette.

So my request for you, enormous reading public, is for tips. Think of what you would do to trick a small child into eating their veggies. Help!

Day 8

MY. BOOBS. ARE. SO. HUGE!!! Holy. Shit. I think I know exactly where this extra unwanted poundage went. A handful went to my gut, a shmear went to my thighs, and a whole hell of a lot went to my boobies!

I know it's not the worst thing, having a huge rack. But I don't want a rack of fat! My shirts are tight now and fit all weird. Ugh. I don't want to obsess too long because I know it isn't healthy and I don't want to get bogged down in negativity. But GODDAMN. I need to get this weight off!

Day 7: Week in Review

Well, well, well...

What an interesting week. Two very unexpected things happened that I had to wrestle:

On Monday (Day 1!) Weight Watchers decided to launch a brand spankin' new plan! I thought I was going back to my old familiar ways but no, sir, I'm still trying to sort this new junk out. Luckily, the new plan is still very similar to the old one. The big differences are how you calculate points values (most point values went up!), fruit doesn't count against you AT ALL, and daily point allowance slightly increased as did the flex points.

Then, on Wednesday I woke up with an insanely terrible sore throat. It persisted without any progress until I went to the doctor on Friday and got myself diagnosed with strep. Thank the lord, a few hours after starting my antibiotics I started feeling way way way better.

This week was not picture perfect, but somehow it worked. I did nothing even close to my previous detoxes, I feel like I kind of ate what I wanted...but counted all my points, of course. I ate a can of spaghetti o's one night, I had a mini haagen dazs one night, and dark chocolate multiple days. I didn't have any caffeine and in my numerous cups of hot tea, I used white sugar or honey. I may have flubbed up with chemicals/artificial sweeteners a little with some sugar-free cough drops, but they were all that I had-and I NEEDED them. I got lots of sleep while I was sick but only two days of exercise. Through all this I managed to still save most of my flexes until the weekend so I could order a big ass cheeseburger while out with friends on Saturday. At the end of the day today I still had 8 flexes!

I can't help thinking that I'm doing this new plan wrong. I wasn't overly hungry, I didn't feel deprived...I feel good! And I didn't feel like a lard factory after eating that burger like I would have a week or two ago. I don't know if I lost any weight but maybe, just maybe after 6 days of not wearing my work pants they'll fit a little bit looser tomorrow.

My goals for this next week are going to be: more exercise, prepare more meals (not take them out of a can), and maybe try to have even more flexes left over at the end of the week? I also need to continue to get ample sleep, and remember to take my daily vitamins!

I can do this, folks. The ball is rolling...