Tick...Tock...

As I'm sitting here drinking my last cup of caffeinated coffee in a long long while, I'm rip roarin' ready to get started. These last 10 days of waiting have seemed so unendingly long...Although I'm really trying to focus on being nice to myself, I feel awful! Disgusting! Droopy! Ugly! I crave being back on a healthy program.

This time has to be different. The changes that I make have to become more permanent. In the past I've had no problem making essential changes in the short-term, but I have to program these changes to stick. I have to break this predictable cycle.

I've already started out differently. I told my friends that I was doing this, not just on this blog but in person to their faces. The people around me know I'm making a change and I know that they will support me in whatever ways they can. In the past I've tried to keep it a secret out of embarrassment and bullshit.

I'm chomping at the bit to get started and I kind of wish I could fast forward to the end of December where I know I will be a happier, on-the-right-track, healthier human being!

And another thing...

I want to be NICE to myself! I already covered the physical junk, I'm talking about the mental torture. More specifically, this involves not beating myself up for being where I am. I can only be really really successful with positive reinforcement, negative might cause me to jump out a 40-story window.

So no name-calling! No lengthy mirror critiques! No pinching of fat rolls!

Now, I'm finished. I think. For the time being.

My birthday gift.

My birthday gift to myself this year is a commitment to finally get rid of this pesky extra 15-25 pounds, so that in 6 months I'm happily shopping for bathing suits for the first time EVER. I will give my body the gift of tender love and care. Of betterment.

After my summer back surgery, following months of pain and discomfort, I was so excited to take wonderful care of my new healthy body. Without getting too crunchy-granola, I want to respect and honor my body by taking the very best possible care of it. It would appreciate me lightening the load. It would appreciate strength. It would appreciate vitamins and nutrition. It would appreciate ample sleep. It would appreciate pride and being shown off!

I know this won't be easy but it doesn't have to be that hard. It's a challenge; a matter of discipline and focus on the investment for the future rather than instant gratification.

So, my birthday gift to myself will be coming late this year. But it won't be coming at all unless I commit now and follow through.

Crazy November!

I will begin my 100 days on November 29, the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend. Having this date set in my mind is very reassuring and I'm absolutely looking forward to getting started.

However, in the meantime I feel like a major fatass! I wish I could wear elastic pants and XXXL t-shirts all day everyday. With all the craziness that seems to be happening in Novemeber: Halloween spill-over, vacations, birthday celebrations, Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving-related social events, and the emergence of both pumpkin and gingerbread flavored yummies...(sigh). I can't let myself gain an extra 15 pounds before I even start my challenge!

WHAT DO I DO? Be really good on the scattered few days that I can and just screw it on the days that I can't? I guess I should try not to overdo it on any given day but it's so freakin' hard. I'll say it: I'm a binger! And a food-hoarder! When I'm "being good", I do good. But when I'm not "being good", I'm "being bad" and take the opportunity to jump off the deep end! I stuff my face! Not healthy. And it physically and mentally makes me feel awful.

I think my goal is to have fun for these next 2-ish weeks! Having fun includes not stressing about avoiding certain foods, but having fun is also not making oneself sick.

One year later.

It has been almost one full year since I first attempted this silly 100 days madness. I had hoped to have tackled a few more bad habits by now but, alas, it has not been a smooth 6 months. My slight back/leg pain in January culminated into an excruciating June jam-packed with surgery, drugs, physical therapy, and limited exercise and activity.

Going back and reviewing this blog, it all seems pretty uninteresting. I'm not sure if there is anything in here worth reading, but in retrospect, I think it was a helpful tool for me. The accountability and frequent check-ins kept me on track, especially at the beginning.

So I'm going at this same healthy living/weight loss goal one more time! I apologize for the monotony and the pending boredom; you are officially excused from reading. But I'm going to start writing here again for me. I hope to carry the wonderful momentum I felt in my first 30 days last December into this year plus the following January and February.